With the black bear terrorizing the Stateline area, make sure you are prepared in the event of a bear attack.

JH Williams, ThinkStock

I've realized that I do not work well under stressful situations. Let alone when a bear comes charging at me at the speed of light. If I'm prepared, maybe I will have a better chance of fighting off the bear. According to a Manitoba Government website from Canada, there are two ways a bear will approach you:

Offensive manner – the bear either wants right-of-way, to assert dominance, or it may be stalking you as possible prey
Defensive manner – a bear sees you as a threat to it, its cubs, or its food

Well I don't want the bear to approach me at all. I would prefer it to be in the distance so I could take a picture or video of it from the safety of my car. I know my car can go faster than the bear.

In the event you see this bear, what do you do!? I'm not quite sure if I agree with the list of methods Manitoba's pamphlet suggests.

So... you want me to punch the bear in the face? Yeah right Manitoba, I'm short and probably can't reach the bear's nose. I would end up with my fist in its mouth.

Stare at it in its eyes? Ok, so I will longingly look into Mr. Bear's eyes and see if I can stare deep into its soul.

Use an air-horn if it's available? Who walks around with an air-horn!? Where do you even buy an air horn!? This is bananas.

If the bear attacks, you want me to fall to the ground immediately upon contact. Ok, I'll just play dead so the bear can eat my face off. Smart. I'll talk to it in a nice calm voice too while I'm trying not to crap my pants.

Now I have to say Manitoba, maybe you do know what you are talking about, after all you are somewhere in Canada. Canada has a billion bears as opposed to the Stateline which has one or two roaming around. So I will take your word for it. Does anyone know where I can get an air-horn?