Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift for Your Horrible Exes

The San Francisco Zoo has the best gifts to give the horrible exes in your life for Valentine's Day.

We've all got them, you know, the horrible ex. The one who lied to you, used you or the one who cheated. Sending them something for Valentine's Day may seem strange, but this is even better than sending an envelope full of glitter.

The San Francisco Zoo says you can adopt a massive cockroach or nasty scorpion in their name.

For the low price of $50, you can send them a giant hairy scorpion. The Zoo's website states hilariously:

So the latest affair didn't work out and given your ex's record-breaking ability to move on, you suspect foul play. Well, nothing soothes the sting like the adoption of a giant hairy scorpion in honor of your former beloved. It's no surprise, these invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal. Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or "caves." Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. After the prey is immobilized, the scorpion tears the carcass apart with its pinchers and begins feeding. Charming.

 

Say the price of a Scorpion is just a little too much, why not a $25 Madagascar Hissing Cockroach? The San Francisco Zoo's website comically states:

Nothing says "I've moved on" like adopting a giant cuddly cockroach in the name of your favorite ex. This Valentine's Day, if you care enough to send the very best, you'll choose our charming Madagascar Hissing Cockroach package. The Madagascar hissing cockroach is believed to be the only insect that can hiss. They are excellent climbers and can scale smooth glass, therefore popping up in the most unexpected locations. The hissing cockroach is one of the largest species of cockroach, reaching 2–4 inches at maturity, but as we all know, some cockroaches just never seem to grow up.

 

Ah, sweet revenge. Although in all seriousness, it is all for a great cause. All of the donations from these gifts go right back to the zoo.